As society becomes more sex- and pleasure-positive, sex toys are making their way into bedrooms all over the world. Once, poorly-made, shady-looking objects that could only be found at equally shady places, sex toys have come a long way. All you have to do is …
Every relationship experiences issues and pressures at one point or another, from arguments to problems with sex or worries over money. Here, Relate counsellor Rachel Davies addresses the 10 most common problems people have in relationships and how they can be worked out 1. Arguments …
Relationships are hard. They take a lot of dedication, focus, and work. Finding the right person to settle down with can often feel like a very frustrating game of chance. And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship.
If you’re looking for a little guidance when it comes to love, you’ve come to the right place. The Cheat Sheet spoke with eight top relationship experts to get some of their best advice. So pull up a chair and read on for more.
1. Take it easy
The best relationship advice I’ve ever gotten, and that I give, is “easy does it.” Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect and compassion with anger and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.
This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect. The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation. Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension. This is suboptimal. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. To do this, partners need to allow each other the space to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome or think that you are responsible for their lives and reaction. It’s hard work and takes practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
2. Give 90%
My parents advised what they did in their own marriage: “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous. That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. They also made clear that this only works if you are both giving 90%.
I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart. We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants.
3. You are responsible for your own happiness
It’s not my partner’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to make me happy. Of course it’s easy to feel good when my partner is acting in a way that I want —but needing them to be a certain way in order for me to feel good —that’s bondage. Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. I’m responsible for my happiness. My partner is responsible for her happiness. We deliberately focus on things to feel good in our lives and for things to appreciate in one another.
If you’re looking for someone to complete you —or vice versa—you’re looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what you’re partner is saying or doing?
This advice transformed every relationship in my life – not just the romantic ones. Before I knew these things, I was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness. When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed. I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too. My relationships are more meaningful, more loving, more free, and most importantly – more fun! And my overall happiness continues to grow, too, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not.
4. Stop waiting and live your life
When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. He said, “Lisa, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. Your sense of entitlement is killing your ability to attract a good man.” When I realized he was right, I stopped waking up every day feeling angry that love hadn’t found me yet. I stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. I stopped feeling like my life was on hold. As cliché as it sounds, I stopped waiting and started living. Overnight, my outlook changed. My results changed, too. I started meeting men wherever I went. I went on dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart away foolishly, and met my husband. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.” That had been my experience with men.
My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask themselves what part of their own life still needs work. When you clean up your side of the street, you make room for a perfectly imperfect person to see you, celebrate you, and love you. And remember that Mr. Right [or Ms. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].
5. Love yourself
You can’t love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself. Through this advice I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. I liken love to the oxygen mask on a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you. This advice improved my chances of winning my wife’s hand in marriage. She was searching for true love. She wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with. Conveying to her that I loved myself signaled that I could be a pillar of strength and compassion.
6. Don’t put boundaries on others
You can’t put boundaries on someone else—only yourself. If someone is treating you badly, you can’t change their behavior. But you can ask yourself why you accept it and how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t accept it again. It made me take more responsibility for my role in bad relationships. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance, I was empowered to reject bad treatment and choose a different person. Also, [remember that] life is a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what the universe will give you.
7. Sometimes love is where you’d least expect it
The hottest, most fun, sexiest, interesting, growth-stimulating, spontaneous, most romantic, most eye-opening relationships or experiences all were not with people that I thought I would end up with. Just because a relationship has a shelf life doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enter into it. This advice allowed me to enjoy each interaction for what it was and not try to make it something it wasn’t. And at the end of the day, our life is just a conglomeration of memories and I have many happy memories to think on. This gives me the freedom to experience all life has to offer!
Other good advice: “Always be unexpected.” This doesn’t have to be in grand gestures, but predictability in a relationship = boring = death of romance. Worst Advice? “Don’t worry, it’ll happen.” If I wanted to learn French, if someone told me “Don’t worry, it’ll happen,” how stupid does that sound?! Dating is a skill set like every other and you get out of it what you put into it.
8. Put in some effort
First, you simply must put time and energy into dating. A combination of online dating and socializing (perhaps including speed dating or singles mixers) is ideal. And second, you must go about dating the right way—from a positive attitude and an effective online dating profile (I can help you with that at www.ellyklein.com) to behavior on dates and communication with potential partners. If your approach to finding love is waiting for it to just come along, you’re taking a huge risk and will probably be single for a long time.
Financial Status A stable financial situation is essential, whether you are on your own or in a relationship. However, a problem might pop up when it’s time to consider whether your financial style is compatible with your partner’s. Different spending habits may pose an even …
Despite the fact that they may look somewhat alarming, penis plugs, otherwise called urethral sounds, are a famous instrument for sexual experimentation and arousal, and are helping the two couples and men to arrive at new degrees of sexual pleasure.
Feeling somewhat doubtful? Here are the main five motivations to check out one.
In the event that you are a fan of arousal and pleasure, at that point chances are you will be a major fan of penis plugs! Penis plugs tempt the nerve endings within the pole, particularly those that sit simply behind the leader of the penis, giving exceptional stimulation and uplifted affectability.
Joined with masturbation this makes a strongly ground-breaking orgasm that will frequently last significantly longer than those achieved by your hand alone. To truly expand your orgasmic pleasure, take a stab at expelling the plug from your penis at the purpose of ejaculation and let her blow!
There are likewise plugs available that are structured explicitly to hit every one of those nerves the length of the pole. Look at the ribbed, humped and balled determination on offer in our Penis Urethral Play area.
Penis plugs don’t really mean it’s simply you, your hand and your plug today around evening time, yet can likewise be incorporated as a seriously satisfying piece of couples play. As the plug contacts the sensitive dividers of your pole and squeezes those minor nerve endings even the gentlest of contacts will make them edge nearer to climax.
Be it a stroke, a lick or a kiss, or a suck you will stick the edge of your seat. Through gap plugs have a hallow tube down the middle and are an extraordinary decision for most couples exercises as they allow ejaculation while the plug is still inside you.
Wanna add a touch of bling to your thing? There’s nothing more beautiful than a penis with a quite little plug (or a truly large plug for those with a touch of experience). With a plug inside ya you can have some good times and sex appeal of a Prince Albert puncturing without adding another opening to your part. If you truly need to look in the same class as you feel give a jeweled one a go! What might look more tasteful than a blue sparkler looking out from your cock?
It’s not just those orgasmic sensations made by the plug that will get you immediately hard yet the plug itself is a magic little apparatus for keeping you harder for more. Metal is the most widely recognized, and certainly the most famous, material for plugs and obviously the hardest. It will truly have your pole resembling, great, a pole. Not exclusively will you be hard as a stone yet if you are wearing a strong plug, at that point you can likewise go for longer as the plug will limit your ejaculation.
For some, particularly those that like to fuse a tad of BDSM into their playtime, the excitement related with being penetrated is a key purpose behind evaluating a penis plug.
Regardless of whether joined into a compliant sex role, or as a piece of a medical role play, the insertion and penetration of the plug into the penis can be very stirring whether you are playing alone or with a partner. The limitations of ejaculation forced by the strong penis plugs are likewise an attract for those needing to stay in a compliant role.
Brisk note on hygiene and safety
There is requirement for a couple of safeguards when making use of these products, particularly for newbies. Make a point to completely spotless and sterilize the plug before use with bubbling water and make use of a quality sterile lubricant for insertion.
Likewise know about shape and size. It is best for fledglings to pick a slight plug with an adjusted tip as this is the most straightforward to insert. Relax and allow the plug to slide deeper into your urethra and become acclimated to the experience. Never force it, in or out, as this can cause more damage than anything else.
What Does Sounding Feel Like?
There are huge amounts of sensitive nerve endings in the tip of the penis and down the length of the urethra, so it tends to be entirely pleasurable to animate these nerve endings with urethral sounds. Additionally, as we mentioned, you can straightforwardly animate the prostate inside with extraordinary sounding, so the potential for pleasure is astronomical and might have the option to exceed customary anal prostate milking orgasms.
Safety Advice and Tips for Urethral Play
– Don’t make use of sounding rods that are excessively slight. In the event that you use rods that are excessively flimsy and you dive down deep toward your prostate, quite possibly’s the rod could cut your bladder. It’s difficult for me to try and compose that sentence without squirming in my seat. Better yet, get your penis plugs at https://lovegasm.co/collections/penis-plugs, because they are guaranteed safe, and of high-quality.
– Don’t make use of sounding rods that are too thick either! Making use of too-thick rods can stretch and tear your urethra in manners that hurt… a ton.
– Burning at the tip of the urethra subsequent to peeing is quite typical after your initial barely any seasons of being sounded. Most folks report this leaves in the wake of being sounded around multiple times, however watch out for it in the event that it proceeds. Unreasonable urethra pain must not happen inevitably.
– Don’t do cock sounding again and again. There are no genuine rules on how regularly you should sound, however I wouldn’t by and by do it anything else than once every week. The urethra doesn’t have a similar stretch and versatility as different pieces of the body – it won’t “become accustomed to” repeated sounding well overall.
– Women don’t have to go far. In the event that a lady needs to make use of sounding rods, she can, however she doesn’t have to dive as deep down as a man does. A lady’s urethra is just 1.5 inches long while a man’s is normally 7-8 inches in length because of the length of the penis.
– There can never be sufficient lube. The urethra isn’t self-greasing up, so use huge amounts of surgical lube from a legitimate medical supplier.
I[/dropcap. WAS EXPOSED TO the sex-toy market a lot earlier than most. My mother started an adult toy business when I was in my mid-teens. In the beginning she specialised in hen’s nights and Tupperware-style parties, replacing plastic containers with rubber fists, rabbits and vibrating …
Sex toys comes in myriad shapes and sizes, but one women fully conversant with the gamut of offerings is Sarah Jane Banahan, founder of sex party collective The Play Experience. Who better to review the latest offerings from high-end manufacturer, Perlesque? Eris Rabbit Vibrator: the …
Masturbation, sadly, is an act overwhelmingly associated with men. Women today may well be far more sexually liberated than their grandmothers were, but it’s still taboo openly talk about self-pleasure. Bashing the bishop, jerking the gherkin, even the amount of slang terms available for women’s masturbation is nil compared to men. There is, however, a small, but vital loophole in this strange social setting: sex toys.
Sex Toys: The Background
Over fifteen years ago, Sex and the City’s Charlotte bought a rabbit vibrator and lived happily ever after. It was a defining moment for womankind. What this iconic TV episode did was give women permission to talk about sex toys, and it has undoubtedly contributed to the reclamation of female sexuality in our post-Fifty Shades world. Almost two decades since Charlotte’s shopping trip, the words ‘sex toy’ conjure up an image of a strong, sexually independent female and her trusty rabbit vibrator. Success! Nearly.
Sex Toys: The Problem
But what about men and sex toys? There are loads of toys for men, and there are many men out there who use them, but they don’t seem to admit it. If you’ve never come across (ahem) male sex toys, you’re not alone. There aren’t as many out there for guys as there are for women, but the industry has cottoned on, and the number of male sex toys is rising fast.
Sex Toys: What to Try
The most commonly-known male sex toy is the humble cock ring; you can pick a basic one up in your local pharmacy, alongside the lube and condoms. Placed at the base of the shaft (and sometimes behind the testicles), cock rings restrict blood flow to the penis and create harder, more impressive erections. They also delay ejaculation, making him last longer – which is great for both partners. Many cock rings come with stimulators for his perineum (that little sweet spot between his balls and his anus), or even attached anal beads or butt plugs.
Sex Toys: Getting Serious
Sex toys designed to be penetrated are less commonly known about, as these toys simulate the sensation of intercourse. One of the most successful male sex toy brands on the market is Fleshlight. These guys have developed a range of ultra-realistic masturbators which look scarily like actual vaginas (or bottoms or mouths, depending on your preference). They use soft, flesh-coloured material which is incredibly lifelike to touch. Penetrable toys are textured internally to replicate different orifices, and some are even modelled on famous porn stars’ private parts.
Less lifelike but equally stimulating, the stroker is another big seller. It’s quite simply a stretchy hollow tube, usually made from jelly-like material, which is textured inside with little bobbles and ridges. The user penetrates the tube and away he goes!
Sex Toys: The Taboo
Despite all these sex toys being suitable for use with an open-minded partner, there’s still a perception that men who buy sex toys, especially realistic masturbators, can’t get ‘the real thing’.
It’s confusing. If wanking = men, and sex toys = women, surely there must be a cross-over. Men are using sex toys, and they are enjoying them. So why aren’t we talking about it?
Sex Toys: The ‘Strength’ Debate
There’s an old-fashioned preconception that women are virtuous and men are not. Women are weak, men are strong. Women ‘need’ help, men do not. The truth is, many men I’ve spoken to are afraid they’ll be seen as weak, pathetic or lonely for enjoying sex toys. If they’re into prostate play, you can add fear of being branded ‘gay’ to that list too (the prostate is located a few inches inside the bottom).
Luckily, as people’s attitudes to sex lighten up a little, we’re just about getting our heads around the fact that sex toys aren’t meant to replace intimacy with a partner – but to enhance the whole sexual experience. In fact, they can even help prevent a whole host of medical issues in both men and women.
Sex Toys: The Benefits
Although the NHS are yet to say that prostate massage prevents cancer, many men claim that regularly massaging their bottom’s wondergland (or P-spot) helps with bouts of inflammation and keeps them feeling healthy. Online prostate resource, www.Prostate.net, claims that massage can improve urinary flow, increase blood flow, and help keep the prostate a normal, healthy size. It’s not for nothing that treatment for prostatitis (a painful swelling of the prostate) is regular digital massage by a doctor. Like any part of your body, the better you know it, the more likely you are to recognise a problem.
The Journal of the American Medical Association also recently found that nearly 43% of women experience ‘sexual dysfunction’ (i.e. struggle to orgasm) at some stage in their life. It’s now not uncommon for doctors to recommended sex toys to ease emotional stress and frustration – once known as ‘hysteria’. As somewhat of an expert in the sex toy world, I’m regularly approached for advice by NHS educators, relationship counsellors and psychotherapists who are urging their patients to explore sex toys, despite many older professionals knowing very little about them. One sex therapist I recently worked with educates NHS practitioners. She commented that during her talk “I didn’t come across anyone who recognised the stroker”. Hopefully it’s only a matter of time before the health benefits of male sex toys are also recognised as widely.
Sex Toys: The Future
From my years speaking with ‘average’ sex toy users, I believe that men who use sex toys have better, longer relationships than those who don’t. They’re more likely to learn what their partners enjoy between the sheets – and ultimately get to enjoy a higher number of orgasms with them. It’s a gateway to communication – and generally couples who play together, stay together.
Men who use sex toys by themselves are also discovering their own preferences and are actively training themselves to last longer. Many strokers are branded ‘Stamina Training Units’ and are recommended by professionals to help with premature ejaculation issues. Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox has even developed an iPhone app called ‘EDGE’, which men can download to ‘train’ themselves to last longer – one of the ‘levels’ includes using a stroker to get used to more intense sensations.
Times, they are a-changin’. Male sex toys are selling fast, and as a category have seen some of the highest overall growth in the past 2 years.
It’s about time men realised that being open about sex makes you open about life – and whether you’re paired off or single, being happy sexually makes you a happier person overall. Now go forth and play.
You might have encountered the term “penis extender” before. But, maybe you are still not sure what it is or why would anyone use it. However, there are hints in the term itself. Penis extenders are plastic or rubber sleeves that go over the penis …