As society becomes more sex- and pleasure-positive, sex toys are making their way into bedrooms all over the world. Once, poorly-made, shady-looking objects that could only be found at equally shady places, sex toys have come a long way. All you have to do is …
Every relationship experiences issues and pressures at one point or another, from arguments to problems with sex or worries over money. Here, Relate counsellor Rachel Davies addresses the 10 most common problems people have in relationships and how they can be worked out 1. Arguments …
Relationships are hard. They take a lot of dedication, focus, and work. Finding the right person to settle down with can often feel like a very frustrating game of chance. And even when you do find the right one, you’ll still have your work cut out for you as you make an effort to maintain your relationship.
If you’re looking for a little guidance when it comes to love, you’ve come to the right place. The Cheat Sheet spoke with eight top relationship experts to get some of their best advice. So pull up a chair and read on for more.
1. Take it easy
The best relationship advice I’ve ever gotten, and that I give, is “easy does it.” Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect and compassion with anger and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.
This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect. The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation. Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension. This is suboptimal. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. To do this, partners need to allow each other the space to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome or think that you are responsible for their lives and reaction. It’s hard work and takes practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
2. Give 90%
My parents advised what they did in their own marriage: “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous. That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. They also made clear that this only works if you are both giving 90%.
I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart. We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants.
3. You are responsible for your own happiness
It’s not my partner’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to make me happy. Of course it’s easy to feel good when my partner is acting in a way that I want —but needing them to be a certain way in order for me to feel good —that’s bondage. Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. I’m responsible for my happiness. My partner is responsible for her happiness. We deliberately focus on things to feel good in our lives and for things to appreciate in one another.
If you’re looking for someone to complete you —or vice versa—you’re looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what you’re partner is saying or doing?
This advice transformed every relationship in my life – not just the romantic ones. Before I knew these things, I was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness. When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed. I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too. My relationships are more meaningful, more loving, more free, and most importantly – more fun! And my overall happiness continues to grow, too, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not.
4. Stop waiting and live your life
When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. He said, “Lisa, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. Your sense of entitlement is killing your ability to attract a good man.” When I realized he was right, I stopped waking up every day feeling angry that love hadn’t found me yet. I stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. I stopped feeling like my life was on hold. As cliché as it sounds, I stopped waiting and started living. Overnight, my outlook changed. My results changed, too. I started meeting men wherever I went. I went on dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart away foolishly, and met my husband. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.” That had been my experience with men.
My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask themselves what part of their own life still needs work. When you clean up your side of the street, you make room for a perfectly imperfect person to see you, celebrate you, and love you. And remember that Mr. Right [or Ms. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].
5. Love yourself
You can’t love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself. Through this advice I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. I liken love to the oxygen mask on a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you. This advice improved my chances of winning my wife’s hand in marriage. She was searching for true love. She wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with. Conveying to her that I loved myself signaled that I could be a pillar of strength and compassion.
6. Don’t put boundaries on others
You can’t put boundaries on someone else—only yourself. If someone is treating you badly, you can’t change their behavior. But you can ask yourself why you accept it and how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t accept it again. It made me take more responsibility for my role in bad relationships. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance, I was empowered to reject bad treatment and choose a different person. Also, [remember that] life is a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what the universe will give you.
7. Sometimes love is where you’d least expect it
The hottest, most fun, sexiest, interesting, growth-stimulating, spontaneous, most romantic, most eye-opening relationships or experiences all were not with people that I thought I would end up with. Just because a relationship has a shelf life doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enter into it. This advice allowed me to enjoy each interaction for what it was and not try to make it something it wasn’t. And at the end of the day, our life is just a conglomeration of memories and I have many happy memories to think on. This gives me the freedom to experience all life has to offer!
Other good advice: “Always be unexpected.” This doesn’t have to be in grand gestures, but predictability in a relationship = boring = death of romance. Worst Advice? “Don’t worry, it’ll happen.” If I wanted to learn French, if someone told me “Don’t worry, it’ll happen,” how stupid does that sound?! Dating is a skill set like every other and you get out of it what you put into it.
8. Put in some effort
First, you simply must put time and energy into dating. A combination of online dating and socializing (perhaps including speed dating or singles mixers) is ideal. And second, you must go about dating the right way—from a positive attitude and an effective online dating profile (I can help you with that at www.ellyklein.com) to behavior on dates and communication with potential partners. If your approach to finding love is waiting for it to just come along, you’re taking a huge risk and will probably be single for a long time.
Despite the fact that they may look somewhat alarming, penis plugs, otherwise called urethral sounds, are a famous instrument for sexual experimentation and arousal, and are helping the two couples and men to arrive at new degrees of sexual pleasure. Feeling somewhat doubtful? Here are …
I[/dropcap. WAS EXPOSED TO the sex-toy market a lot earlier than most. My mother started an adult toy business when I was in my mid-teens.
In the beginning she specialised in hen’s nights and Tupperware-style parties, replacing plastic containers with rubber fists, rabbits and vibrating eggs. When I left school for university, I approached my mum about taking the business with me: an institution full of horny youngsters exploring their sexuality looked like the perfect market to me. My mum agreed.
Once I learned the ropes, I was selling stock and running parties like a pro and it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.
During my stint as a purveyor of sex toys, the biggest sellers made for an interesting list. On the outside, people seem so vanilla and reserved. Get them in front of some sex toys and you are looking at a totally different person.
You wouldn’t think a conservative person could be a kinked-out nympho. I’m here to tell you it is very, very common.
Top 3 most popular sex toys
This is a given. The famous rabbit vibrator sold like hot cakes. The boys bought it for their girlfriends to get kinky, the girls bought it because their boyfriends weren’t satisfying them and the gays bought for their biggest fag hag. The rabbit will never die in the adult toy world!
Metal, rubber, leather or silicon cock rings are a constant and popular seller. Making the penis bigger and harder makes everyone happy, because whatever the size, it’s never quite big enough. (Sorry, boys.)
This was a surprise for me. The ultimate in reverse dildos, pocket pussies come in rubber, silicon or cyber skin and are sold with lube (using it dry can leave a guy walking funny).
Selling sex toys wasn’t just about moving stock; a large part of it was about education. I had to learn on the job about the different materials sex toys are made from, and which materials I would consider to be the best.
The best sex toy materials
Believe it or not, these are the most hygienic and sense-tingling dildos you will ever use. You can heat them up or cool them down and they get you going in all the right places. Plus they look really trendy… even sex toys have their own fashion cycles.
This is the closest you can get to the real thing: Cyberskin looks and feels like real skin. The only issue is maintenance: you need to wash it every time you use it. With some, this may mean washing it daily, so stock up on some mild soap. Do not use oil or alcohol-based cleaning products to wash it – you’d be surprised how many people try to Easy Off Bam their toys.
Like glass, stainless steel is clean and rocks the senses. Mix it with different lubes and heat it or cool it for maximum effect.
Sex toys are more commonly used than you would think. Ask your friends if they have a sex toy and you might be surprised at the answers. (If they say no, in my experience, there is a good chance they’re lying.)
Toys make great gifts (just ask my friends) and they can help to spice up your love life. Pay a visit to your local sex shop and explore your desires – though not on the shop floor. They get really weird about that.
Sex toys comes in myriad shapes and sizes, but one women fully conversant with the gamut of offerings is Sarah Jane Banahan, founder of sex party collective The Play Experience. Who better to review the latest offerings from high-end manufacturer, Perlesque? Eris Rabbit Vibrator: the …
Masturbation, sadly, is an act overwhelmingly associated with men. Women today may well be far more sexually liberated than their grandmothers were, but it’s still taboo openly talk about self-pleasure. Bashing the bishop, jerking the gherkin, even the amount of slang terms available for women’s …
You might have encountered the term “penis extender” before. But, maybe you are still not sure what it is or why would anyone use it.
However, there are hints in the term itself. Penis extenders are plastic or rubber sleeves that go over the penis and add more inches, both in girth and length.
Some of them are closed on top, while others feature an open tip. Furthermore, some extenders feature stimulating nubs, while other types are smooth. Nevertheless, this guide will explain the different types and help you figure out which is the right one for you.
More Length and Girth
So, why do most men try penis extenders? Well, they usually try them because they want to know what it’s like to have a longer, girthier or bigger penis.
Maybe you always wanted to know how your penis would look if it were bigger than usual. Also, perhaps you’ve wondered if your partner would enjoy it more then. If that’s the case, then using a penis extender is a great, non-permanent tool that will allow you to have a bigger cock.
If you have erectile dysfunction, then a penis extender sleeve is one of the best choices. Most people who suffer from this condition say that they lose the erection during the sex. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult or entirely impossible to go on, even though both they and their partner want to continue.
If you have this issue, a penis extender sleeve can help. Once your penis is erect, place the sleeve on top of it and start having sex without worrying about your hardness. Since these sleeves are often stiff and firm, even if you lose the erection, it’s still possible to continue the intercourse.
The Best Extender Sleeves
If you are interested in trying out one of these sleeves, you should know more about the features you should consider. Take a look at the main varieties so that you can understand what you should be looking for.
If you want the extender to add inches to the girth, but you still want to keep the sensation, then an open-ended sleeve might be the best choice for you.
Most sleeves have a closed top, which means that the penis head cannot be stimulated. However, an open-ended sleeve will allow you to experience all the pleasure, and your measurements will increase, too.
This type of an extender is the classic extension sleeve that goes over your penis. However, even though most of these sleeves are stiff and easy to use, this particular one is supposed to be floppy so as to give you more realistic sensations.
Smooth penis extenders are great, but if you want to experience a new kind of pleasure, then you should try textured sleeves.
The exterior nubs and ridges will stimulate your partner even more, but make sure to use a lot of lube to enhance the feeling further.
Some extender sleeves come with a testicle loop. The loop goes over the balls and keeps the sleeve on your penis while you’re having sex. But, if you don’t like that, then maybe you should try a harness extender.
It works like a strap-on dildo, but it’s hollow. Also, it comes with straps that go around your body and keep the sleeve in place.
Using a Penis Extender
Don’t worry – using an extender is quite easy. You just have to pour some water-based lube to the inside of the extender and on yourself. Once you get an erection, put your penis into the sleeve. Make sure that the testicle ring goes around the balls. But, if you’ve opted for the hollow strap-on, arrange the straps around your body and make sure that they feel comfortable.
A few types of extender sleeves have some texture on the outside as well. That can help you stimulate your partner even more. However, remember that this type of a sleeve need extra lube so that sex is comfortable at all times. There are also cock cages that serves as extender at the same time. It doesn’t have features like a typical lockthecock cages have that locks the partner’s genitals and the key holder only can have access. It may sound bizarre but most couples who incorporates cock cages as part of their sex life says it leads to a new level of sense of security and healthier relationship.
Once you’re done with your sleeve, remember to wash it properly and prepare it for the next time.